The Pulse

Choose your own right

Ashenafi Zedebub

As the author Leland Foster Wood wrote, success in marriage is much more than a matter of finding the right person. So many people are concerned merely about finding “Mr. or Ms. Right.” It never occurs to them that they themselves should also be right in view of the fact that marriage is for and made by two persons. It is true that marriage is for two and is what they make it. Two persons have to pull together if the best results are to be obtained.

A woman who wants to be a good wife should keep well in mind that she is a wife only by virtue of having a husband. Likewise, a husband who aspires to play his part well must realize that he is a husband simply because he happens to have a wife.

Unfortunately, not so many people – even the so-called educated elites – realize the fact mentioned above. “If I am right, or at least think I am right, then my partner should be right too.” This is what we hear from so many people, men and women imbued with the sense of self-importance.   Happy and lasting marriage clearly involves a sound adjustment between two persons. One should know that one woman’s Mr. Right may be all other women’s Mr. Wrong. A charming young lady admired for her beauty by thousands might – much to her surprise – face the opposite by hundred others. An elegant young man greatly blessed with worldly goods might be rejected by several women – even by those “next-door-women types” in spite of all his good looks, his wealth, and the future he is so proud of.

The good wife is not at all a woman who exercises a strong appeal to men in general, nor a woman of  whom people say “she would make an ideal wife for Mr. so and so. The supreme test is what sort of wife she would make for her own husband.

On the other hand, a good husband is not a person whose qualities made him rank high among the “eligible” prior to marriage, nor one whose popularity among the fair sex has always been considerable. A good man can be judged only by a reference to the one woman, who is his wife or his girl-friend.

In this sense, we can clearly understand how one woman’s “Mr. Right “ might be all other women’s “Mr. Wrong”. And the same applies to men too.

For instance, in our country Ethiopia a father tries to select the future wife of his son, just because he thinks she is “ Ms. Right “.This outmoded tradition still exists and is highly regarded even by some of the so-called “educated people.” There are even cases – much to the surprise of the civilized community – where relatives happen to form a sort of committee as to evaluate and find one Mr. or Ms. Right. I have found out that even some young men and women with considerable academic background would still need help to find a wife or a husband. It is of course puzzling when someone asks his relative or a friend “ can you find me a wife?”

First of all, how can someone ask another person about finding a future wife or a husband, when he or she didn’t know what kind of a man or a woman might come in question? “A person with pleasant appearance, healthy, wealthy, etc… etc. ..”.  These happen to be the prerequisites in most of the cases. Yet, for a man or woman with very narrow outlook on life everything may seem simple. But that is not the case at all.

Let us take the matter very seriously. For instance , if someone wishes to buy a motor vehicle he might tell a broker – or a relative for that matter – the requirements are almost the same, “… good condition, nice looking, …”  But should the requirements for marriage and for purchase of a car be the same? Does the good vehicle share life as a partner to a person? But marriage is different. It needs two to make and they share love and life together; and not the owner as it is in the case of the automobile – the only party to benefit from the union.

It has been said several times by eminent scholars of our time.  A millionaire would never mind to assign somebody with full power of attorney, to act on his behalf, concerning the movables or landed-property and what not, including the sellout of his shares or even the liquidation of the enterprise. But not his “love not a single part of his “life.” So, try to choose and have your own “right “.

Love and life can never and ever be assigned to someone else. This should be kept as a matter of principle in one’s life.   I, as a senior person, have a good experience in this particular issue and, indeed, advise others to follow this principle concerning the said deep affection. What about you?

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